i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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