I hate your face
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize