I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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