you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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