everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize