I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize