I cannot find my penis.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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