Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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