The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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