I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My ass is underappreciated
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize