New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize