Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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