She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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