I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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