Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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