Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize