Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize