just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize