Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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