drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize