What did we do last night that was yellow?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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