I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize