last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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