you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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