you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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