I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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