He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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