I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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