I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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