I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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