Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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