Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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