Your dad touched me again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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