I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize