you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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