when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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