I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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