He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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