I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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