Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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