I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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