Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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