when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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