We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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