Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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