At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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