Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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