I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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