The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize