Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize